i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
