i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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