come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
