i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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