Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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