It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
