Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
