at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
