question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
