I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
