Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
