I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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