So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
