He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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