I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
