If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
