Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
