Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
