note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
