i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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