quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
