a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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