That's intense
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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