I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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