So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
