I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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