I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
