when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
