Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
