he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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