"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
