pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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