me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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