my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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