Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
