She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
