glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
