Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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