i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
