It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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