Plan B is the new Plan A
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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