Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
NoShamevember. You game?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death