At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.