Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm like, not good at living.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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