Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
