Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
