wrigley field is MILF paradise
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
