You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
