matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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