we're chasing vodka with high fives
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
