Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
