he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
