hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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