its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
