i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
