I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
