I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
