my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
