we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
