i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
