he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
