And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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