Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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