Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
