Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she smelled like a LAN party
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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