They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
