The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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