Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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