Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
