I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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