get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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