It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
