just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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