Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
