No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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